I have been in and out of this. It stings pretty badly. It's as if the weeks of happiness I have just got robbed the instant I face it. Time passes like 9am, 11am, 12.30pm, 2.45pm, 5.57pm, 6.20pm, 8.48pm, 3.14am, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday, January, March, April, July, Oct, Nov, Dec, 2012, 2013, 2014.

Time never seem to help me change much about this.

When I thought, well, time really heals. Look at me, many months before 2013, I was in such distraught, having to cope with A levels and some issues that I just cannot seem to let go. Many months later in late 2013, I was surrounded - and still am surrounded - by so much laughter because of Jayden. The sting still comes but lasts shorter than the previous time. And slowly, the sting doesn't even come at all. I always thought I was able to throw my feelings behind and as long as I don't acknowledge it, I will be able to move on. It sure did work, but for a short few months.

I've walked many times into my youth church, with this little part of me broken, and walked out feeling whole and restored and believing that I will never face the same situation again. I am never a stranger to dropping tears in church because I could feel how much my Daddy God wants me to lead a wholesome life, a life more than what I expect. I am waiting for Daddy God to heal me totally of this so that the next time I face this, I can face it with a positive attitude.

I was on the phone earlier with Jayden and the moment when I was telling him the whole series of emotions I was going through, my tears just fall. His voice, his presence never fails to comfort me. Even if we're on the phone and we're both in silence, it comforts me so much to know that he's there. He's my instant mood lifter.

One day, just one day, slowly but surely, the sting will not even sting at all.