Be hopeful. Be still and know that You are God.
September 06, 2013
Two week before was filled with lots of "I can't" " Have I done enough?" "Is this ever enough?" and lots of self-doubting. I don't know what led me to those thoughts but I feel as if I'm back to A levels period. Perhaps I'm just a little too harsh on myself. Perhaps I worried too much. There were a few times I just broke into tears for a minute or so not knowing what to do then collect myself together and continued to work as if nothing happened. I wake up daily, so positive, saying I can do it but ended the day feeling miserable and awful. Mum held my hands to sleep because she knows what I'm facing and told me, "Don't worry. Mummy and Daddy already prayed for you and your university life. It shall be good.". Aw man, that really helped me to get to sleep without thinking too much. I have been watching k-drama 'I can hear you' while attempting tutorials and I'm suffering a little bit of withdrawal syndrome now. Watching drama helps me forget my worries temporarily and helps suppresses my emotions. I strongly prefer listening to recorded lectures than attending the lecture itself. I get to pause, fast forward or repeat the part I don't know over recorded lectures. In all, I think I'm in the stage where I'm trying to adapt to changes again.
A week ago, I spent my Friday hopping from one hall to another and eventually settled at Hall 11 for the night since there was Art make-up lesson on Saturday morning at 9am.
Lots of tutorials to clear, online lectures to listen to, doubts to clear, things to practice and the list goes on and on.
I had fun over the weekends as well. Went for sailing with a few of my course mates and Jia Ying. Such a scary yet wonderful experience. Scary because it seems as if we're going to fall off the sail and wonderful because we didn't. Actually, there are more to the wonderful part. We get to set our sail and there were a lot of pulling and tugging, grabbing and holding. Our whole Saturday was pretty much burnt because of the make-up tutorial and sailing. The new definition for weekends would be to rush tutorials and think about the questions for very very very very very long......... rest a bit, skip questions and the cycle repeats.
I placed my iPad beside me, tuned in to Pastor Prince's sermon about Letting go and Letting God do the work. It spoke right into my heart which made me realise that all the toiling and thoughts of unfinished works are evil. They cannot even refresh my mind, heart or soul. I was so annoyed, easily irritable when I felt the pressure on me. I can't handle them properly at all. So thankful that Jesus died on the cross, finished His work on the cross so that I can work in rest. God also gave me rhema words on Sunday telling me that Christ is Enough or else I would've painfully suffered devil's work - toil and stress. After church service, my family went to Raffles Town Club for Japanese food. The food standard has always been this good no matter which part of the year we visit it. Such delicious garlic fried rice that always goes so well with medium cooked beef and all other teppanyaki dishes. Ate so full, I skipped my dinner.
I've been staying in school to do my work as long as I have the time to and I'm not too tired to complete anything. I'm so much more diligent compared to when I was in JC. Never thought I could pull this off but Jesus made it possible for me. I was blessed with great friends in Uni. It's just awesome. Rainy mornings make me feel so much better about school though it's a little troublesome. Waking up to see water flowing along the window panes, then closed my eyes to enjoy nature's music. Perfect morning scene I'd hope to see at times. Blessed am I.
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